It started with a fail and ended with a...

fail, obviously? Looks like my down swing is set to continue.

It all started with a trip to the local shop to buy a UKASH voucher so I could deposit my failure money onto Fool Tilt. Next to this hazardous shit hole of a shop is an even more decrepped William Hill bookies. I decide to go in and have a spin on the roulette machine. As I cased the premises too look for a machine I could have a spin on, I noticed that each one of the 3 machines was occupied. One by a big fat bald bastard who's pink t-shirt was far too tight and made him look like a strawberry strangling a small fat child, another guy who was spinning exactly £12.40 every time and couldn't stop winning, and another fellow (bless his heart) Spinning £1 a time placing the same pound on the same section and writing down the results. I mean come on...What the fuck is he writing the results for? Is he seriously hoping to maybe map out a mathematical algorithm and one day he's going to break William Hill by spinning £1 in the same shitty fuck ball section that pays 5/1 a time? Really? Anyway fuck him, he looked like the love child of Barbara Streisand and Elton John anyway so even if he does crack William Hills machine algortihm I doubt he'd get very far.

ANYWAY, moving on. 

I took the first note of out my pocket and decided whatever it was it was going on the next race I look at which happened to me the 8:19 dogs at Newcastle. I picked a number from random and decided 5 was going to get the £5 I had pulled out mf my pocket. What happened next was pretty confusing at the time. I see 5 grey hounds come out of the traps followed by what can only be described as a donkey on stilts. I laugh to myself and think ''Aww bless look at him'' Only to realise he's wearing an orange coat which signifies that he's my dog, I look up and see hes a 16/1 dog and I quickly screw up my ticket throw it to the ground and walk out laughing without even watching the race.

Onto the shop, I need coca cola so I grab a bottle. The guy who works in this shops alerts me to one of there latest astonishing offers (bearing in mind this is the most expensive shop in the entire history of retail) ''The coke's £1.89 mate, but by 2 and you get 2 free'' So I say ''So can I buy one and get one free?'' He says no you have to buy 2. At this point I realise I'm not fooling for his bullshit marketing ploy to get me to go home with 8 Lires of coca cola, I came here for 1 bottle and a UKASH voucher.

I purchase my UKASH voucher and buy 2 scratch cards which totals to £29.89 £25 voucher, £3 on scratch cards and £1.89 on coca cola.

The scratch cards didn't pan out to well....

Not a good start to the night

Anyway no surprise there. Scratch cards are shite anyway. I would of usually just walked next door and spent my £3 in the roulette machines in Wiliam Hill but as I just explained they were currently being held against there will by balding middle aged men and old aged pensioners who looked like the offspring of a rape involving Elton John and that other Big nosed Jewish woman I mentioned, oh yeah that's it Barbara something.

Live Roulette

Typical fail, split my UKASH voucher into 1 £16 voucher for my poker tournament on fool tilt and a £9 voucher for a blast at the live roulette on bet365. My print screen trigger finger wasn't quite up to speed but I managed to just catch the moment my £9 was taken away from me...

Fuck you 11 you leggy prick

Wasn't too bothered, I had £1.50 on number 30 and £1 on 36 but where does it land? Obviously smack bang in the middle straight into the Judas number 11.

After losing my £9 (£9 lolpennyaments) I deposited my £16 pound to fool tilt with the full intention of playing $3k GTD Round of each Hold 'em and Omaha. I deposited and was about to register when fool tilt told me I didn't have enough money to enter the tournament which was $26 in total. I look into my account to see that the £16 I had deposited was indeed converted into $25.93 fuck you exchange rate, fuck you wall street now I gotta go and risk my whole tournament money to win 7 fucking cents. So that's exactly what I did.I bought in full at $0.10/$0.25 rush and after a rough start this happened...

Good start to the evening

Good start. Not only had I made the 7 cents I needed to enter my donkfest, I also had a few dollars left to enter a sng or something. Or so I thought because a few hands later this happened...

Straighters gonna straight

I raised 3x the bb preflop with my K/10 to be called by the SB. He donk betted and led out on that flop which automatically made me think he had a flush draw. I decided to raise him in the hopes he comes over the top and we race to see if he can make his flush. Instead just called and off to the turn we went. The turn was a 4 which at the time wasn't really a scare card for me. He just checked and I checked behind with the intention of value betting a blank on the river. The river brings a jack which again wasn't really a scare card for me because I had put him on hearts but to my surpirse he bets out $9.50 I knew I was beat, I thought to my self his draw must have been a straight draw and he turned it but I had to pay him off as I was gonna go with the hand on the flop anyway and he could be betting a missed heart draw there, who knows.

Complete cunt. On the upside I can now enter my donkament and have $4 to have a mess around with. I lost the $4 just shoving all in on $0.02/$0.05 rush and quickly lost it.

I had regged for the $3K GTD which didn't start for another 3 or so hours so I decided I couldn't be bothered to wait and un-registered and entered the $4K GTD PLO knock out bounty tournament. This was really silly, as I knew that I was just rushing and would donk my money off. Anyway, it wasn't good I didn't last long I got involved with this really fishy donk and couldn't hit any of my outs to survive. Nothing to really print screen it just wasn't interesting it was a race, we both flopped 2 pair his the better 2 pair but I had the nut flush draw to go with mine but it never came in.

So there you have it, all in all I'm £35 down for the day.Obviously not bad and it's only pennyaments but definitely got to give it a rest for atleast a few days because it's all adding up slowly lol, and I definitely think it's good to have breaks from time to time.

I know I'm writing this to myself and know no one's reading, but if someone is reading remember this. I'm in it for the ride and the adventure. I'm starting off small but hope to end it big. My pipe dream of luck boxing a big donkament might be just that, a pipe dream but who knows maybe one day my pipe dream will come true. Weather it does or it doesn't at least I can say I tried, and had a lot of fun doing so :)!

Untill next time (whenever that may be cos I'm fucking skint now!! LOL) take care of yourselves.

-Anonymous <3